【双语散文】宽恕之园

GARDEN OF FORGIVENESS
Gerard Traub 李树人译
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【大纪元5月8日讯】在梅德福克镇的附近,有一座郁郁葱葱的乡间花园。一个晴朗的春日下午,年轻的麦克来到这里探访他的未婚妻。

  通常,如果没有主人的陪伴,私自闯入别人的花园是非常失礼的。但此时麦克也顾及不了那些礼节了。

  麦克刚从伦敦谈完生意回来,就收到爱人克莱丽娜小姐的口信,让他尽快前来与她相见。

  麦克每天都在思念着克莱丽娜。这种甜美的感觉抚慰着他曾经受伤的心灵。他在生命中第一次感受到爱的力量。爱情像甘醇的美酒,让他陶醉;又像精致动人的花朵吸引着他。他深深感到灵魂深处被触动了。一种力量将他的生命从沉睡中唤醒。

  “克莱丽娜唤醒了我沉睡的心灵。”他喃喃自语着。

  从他初次与克莱丽娜目光接触的那一刻起,他的生活中就多了一个谜。他感到深藏在自己心灵深处、那种触摸不到的力量又重新回到他身上。这种力量几乎在他的童年记忆中永远消失了。即使后来当他长大了,生活中值得回忆的美好片断也寥寥无几。而他现在每时每刻都能感到一种神奇。

  他默默思忖着。这个世界上到底有没有上帝?他是一位慈爱的造物主,而不应是一个脾气暴躁的生命,比他父亲下手还重,总是低头俯视着他创造的万物,随时准备残忍的惩罚犯错的人。

  这就是他父亲——霍赛特牧师给他种下的印象。尽管比大多数孩子都更敏感,任何一个孩子,尤其是麦克,都无法逃脱霍赛特牧师让他们敬神的训斥。

  “我这样做是为了让你变得更坚强,让你自己独立做人!” 他父亲总是这样教训他。

  父亲的话非但没能激发起麦克内心的力量,他反而变得越来越内向。每当父亲训话的时候,一有机会他就从父亲身边溜掉,逃进外面的花园和周围的森林里。他会在那里找回自己内心的平静,暂时忘却了自我和生活中的遭遇,独自沉醉在花草树木和那片特殊土地上栖息着的昆虫动物之间。

  当麦克走进他爱人家那座令人神往的花园时,他感觉到有些不对劲。克莱丽娜坐在喷泉旁,静静的凝视着刚刚绽开花蕾的玫瑰。真有什么事发生了!当他渐渐走近时,克莱丽娜转过身来,目光迎接着即将成为她丈夫的心上人。

  她美丽的眼睛失去了往日的神采,目光中充满了他从未见过的忧伤。

  “克莱丽娜,我的心上人,我一直在思念着你!一得到消息,我就马不停蹄的赶来了。到底发生了什么事?”

  “亲爱的麦克,前两天我收到你父亲的医生的一个紧急短信,就赶快通知你赶回来。医生出门去照看一位亲密的朋友了,所以他就让我把信转交给你。”

  麦克在心里作好了最坏的打算。很久以来,他父亲的身体一直很不好。莫雷医生似乎对他父亲身体康复很有信心。前不久,麦克刚刚探望过父亲,他的病情已有所好转。

  麦克慢慢的打开了那封信。

  亲爱的麦克:
  非常遗憾的通知你,1895年5月11日,你的父亲,阿尔伯特.霍赛特牧师回到了主的怀抱。就在两天前,在主持主日礼拜仪式时,他突然昏倒在地。他不停的念叨着:

  “我的儿子,我儿子在哪儿呢?告诉他,请你告诉他,我为我所做的一切错事真心的向他道歉。愿他在心底里能够原谅我!”

  请接受我对你父亲辞世的哀悼。因为突然有事,在你需要的时候我却无法陪在你身边。我真诚的为此向你致歉。

  愿你父灵魂永远安息。

  节哀!

  克里弗.莫雷医生

  麦克简直无法相信这一切。克莱丽娜伸出手来握住他颤抖的双手。

  “他死了,克莱丽娜。我父亲死了!”

  泪水顺着他的脸颊淌下来。悲伤和痛苦一起涌上他心头。他父亲真是那样说的吗?他真的请求自己的原谅吗?为什么这么简单的几句话他直到最后才说出口?他多么想亲耳听父亲对他讲这些话啊!要是他能早点对自己讲有多好!

  “麦克,你父亲是这样长大的,所以他就用同样的方式来教养你们。我真的相信他想尽最大可能做好。我敢说他是用自己的方式在爱着你。很多次,我都注意到他在吃晚餐时从餐桌的另一端看过来,目光里充满了自豪。你父亲从小到大经历很坎坷。这你也了解。我想他本意是想让你变得更坚强,去勇敢的面对生活中的起起伏伏。尽管他那颗真诚的心通常是不容易被发现的,但有很多次我都看到它闪闪发光,而且是为你而闪光。” 克莱丽娜说道。

  “那为什么他要等这么久才说出这几句话呢?” 麦克大声的提出他的疑问。

  克莱丽娜知道麦克此时希望自己能给他解答心中的困惑。

  “亲爱的,人们说人的一生中有三次机会面对真理,即出生,遇到心爱的人和最后去世。很多人在不得不直面死亡之后,才真正正视自己和他人。事实上,你父亲在去世前能有机会承认自己的错误,我觉得上天已经赐福与你。别人可没有你这么幸运!”

  麦克静静的听着。他总是依靠克莱丽娜的智慧去安慰他人,现在他也需要她的慰藉。

  麦克真实的感觉开始表露出来了。他热爱父亲,但总是担心会受到惩罚,因此,他也不敢向父亲说出此意来。如果他能早些表白他的心声,他与父亲的关系或许早就有了转机。

  “麦克,我理解你此刻的心情。我敢说即使现在也还不晚。语言是有翅膀的,不是吗?灵魂能够听到我们听不到的声音。也许,现在你可以说出心里话,去掉心灵的重担。天堂的门是永远敞开的。人无私的一思一念都会得到上天的认可。”

  听到这里,麦克一下跪到地上,抬起头来仰望天空,大声的说出了多年来一直埋在他心里的话。

  “亲爱的父亲,我为过去所做的一切感到非常抱歉。你被上天选中去给别人指引天堂的路。我想你也一直希望能给我指引。父亲,请你原谅我一直没有勇气对你说我爱你!”

  他的心灵好像敞开一扇门,把他带到了一片以前从未到过的新天地。忽然之间,从他内心深处升华起一种祥和的感觉,他的身心都溶化在其中。

  他轻声抽泣着说:“我爱你,父亲!”

  他知道父亲从未听自己对他说过这几个字,但他一直想亲耳听自己讲。克莱丽娜说得对。即使现在也不算晚!麦克似乎感觉到父亲就在自己身边,他也听到了自己的心声。

  “麦克!”克莱丽娜指向头上的一条树枝。那里有一只漂亮的鸟儿向下看着他们俩,唱着动人的歌。说话间,它扇动着翅膀向西边的一块空地飞去,渐渐消失在夕阳中。

  这是一个讯号。只要我们用心观察,上天总在给我们启示。亲爱的,你的话已经得到回答。慈爱的上天已将宽恕赐予你和父亲。

  不久以后,麦克与克莱丽娜很快就结婚了。他们经常去花园喷泉边那个特殊的地方,麦克在那里有生以来第一次感受到了真诚、永久的宽恕之美。

In a lush country garden, near the township of Middlefolk, a young gentleman named Michael came calling on his fiancé one fine spring afternoon.

It was regarded as impolite to enter the garden unescorted, yet formalities were far from his mind this day. He had received word from his beloved, Lady Clarina to meet with her urgently. Michael had just returned home from a business venture in London.

Not a day would go by without the thought of Clarina on his mind, softly soothing his once troubled heart. It was love, and for the first time in his life he knew it; enrapturing him like a sweet, delectable wine, a flower most exquisite. He could feel it shaking his soul out of some kind of slumber.

“Clarina has truly awakened me,” he would repeat to himself.

A mystery came into his life the day he and Clarina’s eyes met. His belief in some potent, intangible force returned, almost lost forever in the dreams of his early childhood. Even in his youth fond memories seemed few, yet each moment now was filled with a magical essence. Could there really be a God, an all-loving creator, rather than some wrathful being that looked down upon his creation with a cruel and punishing hand, far heavier than even his father’s?

Such was the description instilled in him by his own father, the Reverend Hossett. Though a more sensitive boy than most, no son of his, especially Michael, would escape his instructions into fearing God.

“To make you stronger, more able to stand up for yourself!” his father would say.

Rather than such words encouraging strength within the boy, Michael became more and more introspective. He would take every opportunity to flee from his father’s sermons, out into the garden and surrounding forest. There, he could find solace, forgetting himself and life for a while amidst the trees, flowers and the array of insects and animals that inhabited this special place.

As Michael entered the enchanted garden of his beloved, he sensed an air most uncommon. There, by the fountain, Clarina sat gazing into the faces of the newly blossomed roses. Something was indeed wrong! As he approached, she turned to greet the man she deeply loved and was soon to marry.

The light that always shone from her beautiful eyes had somehow faded, replaced by a sadness he had never witnessed in her before.
“Clarina, my love, I have missed you. I came as swiftly as my faithful horse could carry me. What is the matter?” he gasped.

“Dear Michael, I have received an urgent message from the doctor and sent for you immediately. Since he is out of town attending to a close friend, he has asked me to pass this letter to you.”

Michael prepared himself for the worst. His father had been quite ill for some months now, and doctor Moray had seemed confident that he would recover from his condition. Michael had visited his father recently and indeed his condition had improved. Slowly he opened the letter.

Dear Michael,

I regret to inform you that on this day, the 11th of May in the year of our Lord, 1895, your father, Reverend Thomas Albert Hossett returned to his beloved Creator. Only two days before, whilst conducting his Sunday service, he suddenly collapsed to the floor. The only words he repeated were:

“My son, where is my son? Tell him, please tell him that I am truly sorry for all of the wrongs I have caused him. May he find a place somewhere within his heart to forgive me!”

Please accept my condolences in your father’s passing and I sincerely apologise for my unexpected absence in your hour of need. May your father’s soul forever rest in peace.”

With much sympathy,
Doctor Clive Moray.

Michael could not believe it. Clarina reached out and held his trembling hands.
“He is dead Clarina. My father is dead!”

Tears ran down his cheeks. A mixture of grief and pain overcame him. Were these really his father’s words? Had he truly asked for forgiveness? Why had it taken him so long to share this simple message? How he had wished to hear such words from his father. If only he could have said them earlier!

“Michael, your father raised his boys as he had been raised. I do believe he attempted to do his best. I am sure in his own way he loved you. There were times when I would see him glance across the table at supper with a look of pride in his eyes. His upbringing, as you know, was very difficult. I am certain that he intended for you to be even stronger so as to face the ordeals of life. Though his true heart seemed often hidden, there were times when I saw it shine, and shine for you,” said Clarina.

“Why did he take so long to express these few words?” Michael exclaimed.

Clarina replied with an understanding that Michael had come to expect from her.

“My love, it is said there are three times in our lives when we are faced with the greatest of truth; the birth of life itself, when the heart has opened its petals to love, and in our final departing. Many literally have to look into the face of death before they can really be true to themselves and others. In fact, I would say that you have been blessed as your father had been given the chance to unburden his soul before his departing. Others are not so fortunate!”

Michael listened. He could always rely on Clarina’s wisdom to console others, and now he too was to find comfort in her words.

“You are right my love,” said Michael. “Sometimes, only when we are challenged by a truth from which we cannot possibly hide, can our soul’s feelings be revealed.”
Michael’s own feelings were now coming to the surface. He loved his father, yet could not express this to him for the fear of being admonished. If only he could have shared his heart, then perhaps, their relationship could have changed.

“I know what you are thinking, Michael and I am certain it is not too late, even now,” said Clarina. “For words have wings do they not, and the soul has a hearing to which our common ears only fall deaf. Perhaps, you could share your words now and unburden your own heart, my love. Heaven’s windows are forever open, and not one unselfish thought goes unacknowledged.”

Michael then lowered to his knees, turned to face the sky and shared aloud his heartfelt message to his father.

“Dear father, I am deeply sorry for any pain I have caused you throughout the years. You were called by God to lead others to the light of heaven and I’m sure you had this same intention for me. Please forgive me father for never finding the courage to say I love you!”

His heart began to open to a place it had never quite known, and a deep sense of peace pervaded his being.
“I love you father!” he cried softly.

These were the few words he knew his father had never heard, yet surely longed to hear. Clarina was right. Even now, it was not too late! Michael seemed to sense the presence of his father near and believed that he had heard his heart-spoken words.

“Michael!” Clarina gestured to a branch above. There, a beautiful bird peered down at them, voicing its elegant song. Then taking flight, west toward a nearby field, it disappeared into the late afternoon sun.

“It is a sign. Heaven often gives us a sign if we pay close attention. Your words have been answered my love, and the tender heart of heaven it seems has granted you both the blessing of forgiveness,” said Clarina.

Michael and Clarina wedded soon after that day, and continued to visit their special place beside the fountain where, for the first time in Michael’s life, he had experienced the grace of true and lasting forgiveness. @(http://www.dajiyuan.com)

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